“B” is for Breast Cancer in Men

We’ve all seen the cute little Breast Cancer awareness ribbons and the little games that are passed around to help show solidarity in support of women’s breast cancer. I used to think it was pretty nifty until someone reminded me that women are not the only ones who are susceptible to this disease. I then began thinking that it wasn’t really fair that half the population should be ignored when referring to this disease, or series of diseases – there are more than one type of breast cancer, even in women.

Perhaps the reason that men are so often forgotten is that not everyone, including many men, realize that breast cancer is not just a female disease. However, statistics show that while the majority of those who contract the disease are indeed women, 1,700 men are diagnosed with breast cancer each year, or about 1% of all known cases; this is actually about 0.2% of all cancers in men. Of these 1,700 men, 480 of them (about 35.5%) will die from the disease.

There are a number of reasons that such a high percentage of men die from the disease, the most common being because it is considered by most to be a purely female form of cancer, and so men could be unaware of having the disease until it’s too late to stop the cancer’s progress. Breast cancer most commonly hits men between 60 and 70 years of age, although it can develop at any age. Another reason is that, because of the small amount of breast tissue in men, they rarely are candidates for mammograms, which is the most common diagnostic method for breast cancer in women.

As a general rule, men have more symptoms when they have the disease, and if you have any of the following, it would be a good idea to contact your doctor immediately. The most common symptom is a painless lump located right below the breast. Other common symptoms that might follow could include: nipple discharge (sometimes bloody), fixation to the skin or underlying tissues and skin ulcerations.

The most common form of breast cancer found in men is Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma (IDC) while the rarest form is Inflammatory Breast Cancer (Paget Disease).²

There are a number of risk factors that should also be taken into consideration, including age, ethnicity, geographical location, socioeconomic status, heredity and hormones. In fact, it has been suggested that men with breast cancer should have genetic testing done. While this won’t necessarily hinder future generations from contracting cancer or even guarantee that they might, it should be noted that 6% of male children of a male breast cancer sufferer will contract the disease, and that 40%-80% of female children will contract it; 50% of their children will also carry the gene.

Please, if any of you men who read this think you may have any of the symptoms listed above, please go to your doctor. Although a mammogram is not highly feasible, there are sonograms which are a great diagnostic method (and way less painful, believe me ). Take care of your health—it’s precious, to you and your family.

 Sources:

1. Breast Cancer in Men:The Warning signs
2. Male Breast Cancer

 

©2014 Mary Purpari

“A” is for Alcoholism

Disclaimer: Although the subject is generally considered on the medical and social levels in other discussions, today I would like to base most of my remarks on a more personal level, although I will throw in a few statistics, the sources of which are listed below. On this personal level, please note that most of my statements are my own opinion – based on personal experience, and may contrast with what professionals might consider “proper” behavior.

According to an article at Examiner.com¹ more than 65% of United States households are affected by the problem of alcoholism. This is the official data, but the percentage is probably higher; many households or individuals do not report the existence of the problem because of the stigma connected alcoholism.

The discussion as to whether or not alcoholism – the addiction to alcohol – is a disease is a moot point: it debilitates the body’s immune system, is the cause of diseases such as cirrhosis of the liver, heart problems, brain damage, kidney failure and can (and often does) cause the death of the addict. According to cdc.gov² more than 15,990 deaths were caused by alcohol-related liver diseases and 25,692 other alcohol related diseases in 2010, in the US alone. Again, these are the official stats, but it is probable that the real count is much higher.

I have known both family members and dear friends who enter into the statistics. They were wonderful people and their lives and subsequent deaths from alcohol abuse has had a terrible effect on all those who held them dear. I’ve learned a few things from my experience with them, and I’d like to share these with you.

First, alcoholics don’t all react in the same way to their drinking, just like not all alcoholics imbibe in the same drinks. Some become maudlin, others become violent, others yet disappear completely, until they have worn off their “binge”. Others yet may not show any particular signs of having gone over the limit.

Daniel* would go on a super-binge of drinking beer and then completely disappear for a week at a time. He lost his job, worried his family and in the end died of a heart attack. He had tried to quit and had been successful for a few years, but then, in a moment of weakness, he “fell off the wagon”.

John* successfully stopped drinking when he discovered that if he didn’t, he would only have a few more months to live. He lived for another five years afterwards, without drinking another drop of alcohol.

Many professionals promote the idea of tough love as a means of helping loved ones overcome their addiction; I agree that up to a certain point this could help them realize that they have a problem: leaving them tangled up to sleep on the floor where they have fallen, or refuse to bail them out of the drunk tank could lead them to understand that they do, indeed, have a problem. The next step, however, that of “inviting” them to leave and not come back until they have stopped drinking is not, for the most part, going to work.

Peter* found himself in this latter category. He was told to leave, and not come back until he discovered he loved his wife enough to stop. When he did stop, he would be allowed to go back. The problem was, although he loved his wife very much, he was unable to stop drinking on his own. He wanted to, but by then the choice was no longer his; the alcohol made the choice. In fact, instead of helping him stop, the eviction only made him drink more, until the day came that only a timely phone call from a friend kept him from “taking the bridge”.

If you have a loved one going through alcohol addiction, help them by pushing them to get help and support them in their efforts when they do. Alcohol withdrawal is neither easy nor pretty; not all survive the physical pain of withdrawal: approximately 25% patients will die during D.T.³ If you need to, apply non-violent tough love, but most of all, don’t threaten with eviction. The only lasting effect it will have is to increase the need to drink and also to decrease self-respect and esteem. It hurts, but it can be done, with help.

*Names have been changed 

Sources:

1. Examiner.com
2. Alcohol Use
3. Alcohol withdrawal, pg. 62

© 2014 Mary Purpari

Update on the Squirrels of Cypress Hills

Rock-a-bye baby in the tree top, when the wind blows, the cradle will rock. When the bow breaks, the cradle will fall, and down will fall baby, cradle and all. (said to be first poem written on American soil)

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote an article here about the squirrels here in my neighborhood, showing their newly renovated nest and added my thoughts that there would most likely be a new crop of little squirrels in the area. Of course, as someone who enjoys planting a vegetable garden on her porch, I had mixed feeling on the arrival of new little strawberry and tomato eating monsters (oh, all right: I know they’re cute, but there are plenty of other things they could eat, like the mulberries that grow in the tree where their nest was…)

Yes, you read correctly: was. Lately, Brooklyn has been hit by some pretty nasty weather that has, unfortunately, wreaked havoc with the squirrel’s nest in our backyard forest. The photo on the left is the nest at the time the first article was published. It snowed a few days later, with moderate winds, and the squirrels found themselves needing to reconstruct their home. (see photo at right). When they finished, it actually was restored to the same condition as before the storm.

The poor nest was rained upon and snowed upon, and yet, despite the soggy leaves and diminished space, the squirrels continued to brave it out. That is, until last week, when some fairly strong winds came through Brooklyn and scattered the leaves comprising the nest to the four corners of the neighborhood. (see photo bottom left), leaving (excuse the pun) a miserable pile of… just about nothing.

At first, the squirrels were in an uproar, racing about the tree branches, heading down toward the area where they had first gathered leaves to build up their “fortress”; their enthusiasm diminished somewhat when other “buyers” took a look at the offerings and quickly abandoned any idea of refurbishing the incapacitated dwelling. Three pairs of birds considered taking up residence (hoping to save time and energy, I assume) in the nest – catbirds, starlings and sparrows. All three decided against taking advantage of the bargain, and went elsewhere to build their own nests.

The nest has now been abandoned by all and sundry and sits forlornly all by itself. Even the squirrels avoid all contact with their former home. As to baby squirrels? I don’t know if they had been born and killed by the bad weather, or if they have been carried to another place by their hapless parents. Or perhaps, they weren’t even born yet. Previous activity would suggest otherwise, but my hopes are that they were spared any mishaps.

The Squirrels of Cypress Hills, Brooklyn

For the last three years, I thought what is portrayed in the photo on the left was a crow’s nest; it was a logical assumption because of the size and the fact we do actually have crows living in the forest composed of our neighborhood’s backyards.

Boy was I ever wrong! It is a nest all right, but it actually belongs to the little character in the photo on the right. Yes, a squirrel. Now, there are several squirrels in our neighborhood (yes, there are squirrels even in good old suburban Brooklyn, New York, along with several other creatures that one wouldn’t necessarily think of finding in a big city) including a pure black one.

We also have a very large bird of prey that comes to visit from time to time; I presume that this is why the squirrel population in our neighborhood hasn’t exploded – it’s certainly not because of the cats and dogs in the area, which have bonded with the squirrels and are more likely to be chased by the squirrels rather than the other way around.

I discovered that the nest belongs to the squirrels quite by accident; my desk faces our backyard and I love watching what goes on outside. There is always something to distract me from whatever I happen to be working on at the moment, and any distraction is an excellent reason to “run” outside with my camera and take pictures. I particularly enjoy watching the squirrels as they run up and down the trees, along the branches and jumping from one tree to the next without ever breaking their stride. The only time I don’t enjoy watching their antics is when they run along the fence and attack my vegetable garden, which they do the very moment my strawberries or tomatoes are ready to be harvested. Someday… well, that’s another discussion.

On this particular occasion, I noticed that one of the squirrels was heading toward the “crow’s nest” carrying something in its mouth. It’s way too early for that something to be from someone’s vegetable garden, since most of the backyards around here are covered with a thick layer of snow and ice. I was most curious because, as Alice would say, the situation was becoming curiouser and curiouser. Said squirrel, which just happens to be the same in the picture on the upper right, disappeared into the nest, emerging shortly thereafter, empty-mouthed.

The nest turned out to be formed by nothing more nor less than a conglomeration of soggy dried leaves – as I discovered later – that continually changes shape and size according to the circumstances. And, despite these differences the two photos are of the same nest, only two days apart. There has been a great deal of activity surrounding the nest today; there was a very strong wind last night and this morning and a large amount of the leaves fell to the ground. The photo here is of the squirrel leaving the nest after depositing the bundle of leaves, which were put into place by yet another squirrel.

Another reason for my suspicion about new members in the squirrel community is that one of the squirrels (again, I suspect it’s the mother) has been behaving in a very unsquirrely manner. If another squirrel should happen by, probably not so innocently, it gets chased off, and the nest’s resident quickly returns from whence it came. Now, in and of itself, running haphazardly is not uncommon behavior: a squirrel’s favorite pastime is chasing or being chased by other squirrels, and they will run for hours up and down tree-trunks, along branches, jumping from one tree to another, running up and down stairways, along fences while in the meantime getting into as much trouble as they possibly can. This morning, in fact, one of them found a bagel and began running all over the neighborhood with at least two other squirrels running in hot pursuit. The first squirrel’s progress was somewhat hampered by the fact that the bagel was twice his width. They provided me with much needed humor.

For some reason, there haven’t been a lot of baby squirrels in the neighborhood, and though the nest has been there for at least two years, it really is the first time I’ve noticed any activity involving it by the squirrels. In any case, we will probably be seeing anywhere from 2-8 baby squirrels in about three to four months. Baby squirrels are born blind and completely helpless, like most rodents, and depend on their mothers for 2-3 months before facing the world on their own.

Although the nest isn’t right in my own backyard, it’s close enough that when the babies begin to experiment the world around them, I should be able to see them. And, strangely enough, I’m excited about seeing them, along with the others we already know—Blackie, Blondie, Fatty, Scraggly Tail, and all the others—as long as they don’t eat all my fresh vegetables.

Compiling and Writing Your Family’s History

Compiling a family history is an exciting, adventurous treasure hunt. Why not share the treasure with the rest of your family?

Very few people will claim that they have no desire to know where they came from and who might be hiding among their ancestors. Am I a descendant from kings? What skeletons are in our closets? Why do I have a propensity for learning languages? Why do I have red hair? Is my surname Irish or Scottish? What year did my family come to the country I live in? Do I still have family in Italy? These and many more similar questions can be answered, for you and your extended family, when a family history comes into being.

There are a few important steps to keep in mind when compiling your history into a narrative that will keep your family members and others reading to the end.

Finding the Family

If you haven’t already done so, the first step is to put together a family tree, and the best place to start is with you. Write down your name, birth date, and place of birth. If you are married, write down the name of your spouse, his/ her birth date, place of birth and the date of your marriage. Next, write in the same information for your parents and for your spouse’s parents. If you have children, add them to the list, under you and your spouse.

If you are lucky enough to still have your grandparents, they can also provide their personal information and possibly information about their own parents. From here on, the search becomes a little trickier, but also more exciting because of the challenge in finding more information. You will possibly need to go to churches, cemeteries, and other public and private archives in order to follow the tracks left by your ancestors. However, Internet can also be a big help, as there are several wonderful genealogical sources online such as Ancestry.com and FamilySearch.com.

Be sure and include a source list of where you obtained your information, in case one of your readers would like to learn more, especially if you write the history of a surname.

Include Family Stories

On June 13, 1917, 21-year old Edith Jenkins and a group of her friends had gone on a day trip to London for a shopping spree. Edith’s best friend was getting married the following week and a few small items still needed to be purchased. Shopping in Folkestone, where they lived, was out as it had been bombed only 3 weeks earlier.

The girls had just walked out of the store, but the bride-to-be suddenly remembered something else and dashed back into the store. The others continued walking towards the train station when a loud explosion caught their attention – they turned in time to see the store where their friend was crumble, after a bomb dropped from a passing Gotha fell on it. The wedding day, which should have been a day of rejoicing, became a day of mourning.

Including stories like the one above – told to me by my grandmother – will help bring the history alive for your readers. Readers will be better able to relate to the people in their family tree if they know something personal about them. Be sure and add historical context so that people will better understand what was going on at the time the story took place. This will also help bring the stories alive. A good way to find stories is to encourage your parents or grandparents to tell stories about their youth.

You could also include a description of why you decided to write the history and even relate stories that happened to you while you were researching certain names. For instance, while searching through an old family history written on one line in my genealogy, I found a family that had eleven children listed. After doing further research on my own, I discovered a twelfth child that the original authors hadn’t known about. Think about it: twelve surviving children in a period that survival rate was about 25%, and this family had 100%! Amazing!

Add Photographs, Portraits and Illustrations

Photographs are another way to bring your ancestors to life. Some of my most prized photos were take during the American Civil War of the Grazier family and the Chadeynne family; the Graziers were fighting for the South while the Chadeynnes were fighting for the North. Another was taken in Folkestone in 1901 of my six-year old grandmother; it was considered bad luck to smile in photographs then, and there she was, wearing an ear-to-ear grin. It was very typical of an extraordinary person.

Keep It Simple

This could prove to be the most difficult of all the rules. We like to sound super-intelligent or all-knowing; however, a tendency toward language that is flowery or too erudite in your writing just won’t make it with most of your readers. The best idea is to use simple language that even the least educated reader will understand.

Writing a family history can be fun and rewarding, and can help us understand ourselves from learning about those family members who came before us. Happy writing!

Sources:

Bombing During World War I, Pamela Feltus: http://www.centennialofflight.gov/essay/Air_Power/WWI_Bombing/AP3.htm

Genealogical Research: Hunting for Treasure worth More than Gold

Many people would like to write a family history, but before it’s possible to fulfill that desire, they need to discover who their family is.

Writing a family history can be a fun and rewarding adventure, but like any adventure, it requires a few important steps in preparing for it; perhaps the most important of all is finding and getting to know the people who comprise your family, both in the present as well as from the past.

What Materials Do I Need to Start Out?

It is always best to keep the information that you discover organized. I would suggest obtaining a two- or three-ring binder for collecting your family names; you might also consider a set of tabbed dividers to keep family groups separated. Although actual hard-copy files might seem useless at the beginning, if you are sincerely interested in searching for family names you will doubtless discover that not all research can be carried out on the computer and that the listed materials will indeed be necessary.

When doing “in the field” research, some useful items that you might like to take along could include: surgical gloves (old tomes can be very dirty and very delicate), a flashlight, a magnifying glass, and a supply of pencils.

Your research could take you to a cemetery, in which case you would need all of the above, plus: a pair of pruning shears – it’s possible that tombstones will be covered with shrubs, grass or vines and you may need to cut them out of the way (ask permission first); several sheets of paper and chalk – many times the afore-mentioned plants can also erode the writing on the stones; placing the paper over the words and gently rubbing the chalk over the paper can help bring out the writing. Again, you should ask for permission for this process.

Where Do I Start?

The best place to start is with you. Write down your name, birth date, and place of birth. If you are married, write down the name of your spouse, his birth date, place of birth and the date of your marriage. Next, write in the same information for your parents and for your spouse’s parents. If you have children, add them to the list, under you and your spouse. If you are lucky enough to still have your grandparents, they can also provide their personal information and possibly information about their own parents and/ or grandparents.

Linda Williams, a dedicated genealogist, said, “One of my biggest regrets is not talking to my grand parents about their parents, and asking my own parents for more information about their grandparents. You get totally different information from them.” Ask them for information, including episodes from their life; most people love to talk about themselves and their stories will help you understand them better.

Family Bibles

From this point on, the search can be a little more difficult, but even more rewarding when you find a name. There is a variety of places where one can look. Many family Bibles will provide lucky searchers with several generations of complete family listings. My paternal grandmother had such a Bible, with names going back to the mid-1600s; the Chadeayne family came from France, starting with Jean Chadeayne (born in 1649) and Marie Boucherie, who left France in 1690 because of religious persecution (they were Huguenots living in a Catholic country).

Census Records

If you have a general idea of a name and age of a person, you might be able to find an exact name, date of birth and name of head of household by looking through census reports. These reports also contain the names of all members of the household, including all children living in the home.

Regarding this, Linda spoke about a boy who was born in 1851. She knew where he was born, and was sure he would be found with his parents in the 1860 census; not so – he had been “farmed out” and didn’t live with his parents, which led to a dead-end. On the other hand, I was able to discover the provenance of my Cherokee ancestors by looking through census records from 1850.

Other Genealogical Resources

Church records are an excellent source for genealogical research. These records contain the full name, date of birth, gender, parents’ names (many times, these birth records will also give the mother’s maiden name), the child’s state of health, etc. Church records also consist in marriage registers and death registers. Most churches allow genealogists to use their records free of charge, but some will ask for either a set fee or an offering. Some churches, like the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, even have local family research centers open to all comers.

During one of my many conversations regarding our family’s history with my maternal grandmother, she mentioned an older sister that had died before any of the other children were born, at about the age of two years. She remembered her name as being Margaret, but nothing else. While spending time in Folkestone, Kent, England, I thought I’d take a look around at the cemetery to see if I could find her grave and that of my great-grandfather. The vicar of the local parish led me to the graves, where I was able to find the full name, date of birth and death date of both my great-aunt and my great-grandfather.

It’s important to remember that many church records, especially those in foreign countries or pre- twentieth century, may be written in a foreign language, very possibly Latin. It is a good idea to learn a few topic-related words in the language with which you will be dealing.

Another item to keep in mind is a change of writing styles, even from one registrar to the next. Script in one language is not always the same as it is in another; even British script differs quite often from American. If you are unsure of a name or a page number, try every possible interpretation until you find what you are looking for. Changes in the spelling of a name may also change from one generation to the next.

While going through social security records not only did I find my husband’s paternal grandfather who had gone from Sicily to Pennsylvania in 1913, but also a whole series of cousins that he didn’t even know existed!

Family history books are another source for stories involving ancestors. Linda was able to find her missing ancestor in such a book. She said, “The name I was looking for, turned out to be a family name that had been passed on down a few generations. I sort of feel silly for not realizing that name was a family name, but I was excited at the same time, as I had done all the work and found them.”

As Linda said, searching for a family member and then finding him or her is exciting, like finding a buried treasure, but better.

Source:

• Personal interview with Ms. Linda Williams

Obituary for Russell John Kelly

In Loving Memory of

Russell John Kelly

September 17, 1948 – December 28, 2013

 

Obituary

            __________________________

 

Russell John Kelly­­, 65, of Brooklyn, New York, passed away on December 28, 2013, following a cardiac arrest and subsequent complications, at the Brookdale Hospital in Brooklyn, New York. His best friend, Mary Purpari, was at his side at the time of death. He was born on September 17, 1948 to Jack Russell Kelly and Mary Jane (Newman) Kelly, in Orlando, Florida, although the family moved two months later to Brooklyn, New York.  He grew up in Brooklyn and Queens, with a brief stop-over in the US Virgin Islands. He resided in Brooklyn, New York for the last five years preceding his death. He was a tax accountant, but one of his greatest joys in life was sharing his vast knowledge on many subjects with his friends and acquaintances, and counseling and comforting those in need. His love and knowledge of all music types, from reggae to classical, from opera to jazz, and everything in between, was a joy to all of his many friends around the world, as was his love of sports.

 

Russ is survived by his son, Kevin Kelly and grandson, Joey Kelly; his sisters, Patricia Grace Kelly, Deirdre Kelly Rose and Vicki Kelly Forseth; his wife Silvia Santos Kelly; and his step-son, Jose’ Hernandez. His loss is mourned by hundreds of friends around the world.

 

He was preceded in death by his beloved parents, Jack Russell and Mary Jane Kelly, as well as his much-loved step-mother, Paulette San Marchi Kelly.

 

A memorial service will be held in his honor on January 25, 2014at 11:30 a.m.

Location:

St. Catherine of Siena Parish Church

339 Pompton Ave.

Cedar Grove, NJ.

http://www.scscedargrove.org

 

Russ was affectionately known by many names, such as Cute Guy, Flaquito, Compadre, the Music Man, Bro, Russ, E-lugs, Jovencito, etc. But the name he will be fondly remembered by, which illustrated his true nature, is the ROCK. We miss you, Rock!

          

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