Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Warning about the Possible Identity Theft of Daniel Allyn
Monday, December 28, 2015
‘Twas the night before Christmas—A sneak preview of Christmas in the Old McDonald’s Funny Farm
Clement Moore’s beautiful poem The Night before Christmas, could be applied to almost every home on S.W. Orchid St. The stockings were hung, in most cases, by the Christmas tree with care, since the inland southern California climate didn’t really require a fireplace, and visions of sugarplums were dancing in most children’s heads. And most homes could also claim that not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
Melody couldn’t believe it wasn’t seven o’clock yet. She thought she had been awakened by a loud banging sound, but when she looked out all she could see was that it was still very dark outside; the moon wasn’t even shining through her window, so she couldn’t even use that as an excuse, this time. She jiggled her feet; the rattling sound at the bottom of her bed let her know that at least Santa Claus had been there, so maybe she had heard Santa Claus as he was leaving; but she was still completely disoriented both by the darkness outside and her excitement about what she would find under the Christmas tree this year. She didn’t want to wake up too early and finish all the goodies in her stocking and then have to wait hours doing nothing. She mulled over the question briefly and then snuggled back down under the blankets, nestling her head comfortably in the soft fragrant pillow, her right arm draped over a purring Butterscotch.
Those delightful visions of sugarplums had barely begun dancing in her head again when she heard the loud banging once more, but this time she knew it was coming from the living room. Convinced that thieves were in the living room, trying to steal the Christmas tree and everyone’s Christmas presents (including the ones the family members had bought for each other) she shifted slowly and quietly in her bed; taking care not to awaken Jan and Butterscotch or to knock her stocking to the floor, Melody tip-toed down the hallway to the living room door, guided by the feeble light shining from under the door and started to turn the knob.
It wouldn’t turn! Frustrated, she tried peeking through the keyhole, but right then, everything went dark and she couldn’t see a thing. Worried, she turned around to walk back down the hall to wake up Honey and Ross and let them know there was a thief in the house, when suddenly she heard what sounded like tap-dancing outside in the backyard. In her hurry to reach her bedroom so she could look out her window, she forgot her caution; soon, Jan, Mark and Kenny were running to join her looking out the boys’ window as the jingling sound of sleigh bells reached their ears.
Entranced, they stared out the window, looking in all directions, trying to discover the source when suddenly they heard someone shout “Merry Christmas!” And then, they saw it! They were sure they had seen a bright red light flying across the cloudy night. They jumped up and down in excitement – they had really seen Rudolph leading the other reindeer as they pulled Santa’s sleigh! And they knew – they had seen Santa wave to them as he flew out of sight!
Their loud euphoria lasted only a few moments before they were brusquely brought back down to earth as Honey stuck her head out of her bedroom door. “What are you four doing out of bed? Santa Claus is NOT going to come if you don’t go to sleep. It’s only midnight! Now go back to bed. It’s not time to get up yet.”
“But Mommy, Santa Claus already came! He left our stockings on the bed and we just saw him flying across the sky, with Rudolph in the front, just like the song says! Man, his nose sure is bright red! And it blinks, too!”
Honey stared at them as they danced around, nonplussed by their unexpected statement. “You saw him? With a blinking red nose?”
“We saw Rudolph’s red nose as he led the sleigh. We heard Santa Claus shout out Merry Christmas as they took off flying. Oh man, Mommy! It was so neat! Wasn’t it, you guys?” The other three cohorts in crime nodded their heads vigorously in agreement. “We really did see them. And I bet the elves were with them, too, ‘cuz I heard someone hammering in the living room, and ev’ryone knows that Santa has elves that make all the Christmas presents.”
“Because,” Honey said absent-mindedly. The children paid no attention to the correction, but they did take her next words to heart. “If you four do not go directly to bed, there will be NO Christmas presents for you. We will give them all to the poor children without even unwrapping them. One…two…” Even before she could say three, Melody, Jan, Mark and Kenny were already under their covers, their fake snores resounding through the house, punctuated by Melody’s giggles and Butterscotch’s contented purring. Somehow, Missy and Chas managed to sleep through all the excitement.
As the snores and giggles settled into a regular breathing pattern, Honey went to their bedsides and tucked them in. Shaking her head she realized that they should have known that the mistress of curiosity would have heard the hammering and gone to investigate. Next year, though, the stockings would be the last thing to be put in place…
All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Copyright © Mary Purpari December 27, 2015
Saturday, August 1, 2015
Tracking—The USPS Tennis Derby
I’ve always been a staunch supporter of the USPS, favoring them over companies like FedEx and UPS, but after this experience, I’m not quite so sure if my loyalty is well-placed.
I received a package in the mail today that I had honestly thought would, at this point, never arrive. My sister, JoAnne, had taken the package to her local Post Office in Arizona, on June 23, 2015 and presented it for 2-Day Priority Mail to Brooklyn 11208 – with tracking number and insurance - with an expected delivery date of June 25. Yes, June 25, and this is July 31; go figure.
Go figure is exactly what I did. Just out of curiosity, I went and looked up the tracking number, with the idea of seeing what cities it had been visiting during its longer than usual journey. What I found was absolutely mind-boggling, and I’m still shaking my head at the weirdness and idiocy of the entire story. Before going on, though I will admit that I have received mail that had taken a somewhat longer route than necessary: for instance, there was the time when I was living in Mistretta when we received a wedding invitation from a missionary who had served in the town; the invitation came a week after the wedding because it had come from Utah via American Samoa… We couldn’t have gone anyway, but it would have been nice to know about it so we could have been ready for them when they came to visit us during their honeymoon. But, that was International, and worse things have been known to happen. But I digress.
After JoAnne left the packet at the Post office in C.G. on the 23rd it was sent, same day, to Phoenix, which then sent it on to Bethpage, NY 11714. Forgive me for including all the New York zip codes, but you’ll see the reason why shortly. Now, packages received at Bethpage 11714 usually arrive the very same day, or the next day at the latest, at the Brooklyn 11208 P.O. and then on to my house. I have no idea what happened, but this time it arrived at the USPS facility in Lower Manhattan, 10007 (not even close to Brooklyn 11208). The next day, June 26, it arrived in New York, NY 10199 Origin Facility, about 8 blocks up the street—it was probably hand-carried. I guess it liked this particular office, or the workers were planning their next diabolical move with care, because it stayed there until July 2, when it was sent off to… Lower Manhattan 10007. I think they must have used a real snail to carry it, because it took 11 hours and 59 minutes to go those same 8 blocks.
Obviously, the package wasn’t happy there, and two days later it was back at the 10199 USPS Origin Facility. Poor thing, by this time the tennis match was in full-swing and the next day, July 6 (a little over 24 hours later) it was back in the court of the 10007 USPS facility. Lower Manhattan dropped it for a couple of days – it was the 4th of July five-day weekend, after all – but in the evening of July 8, it was back in the court of 10199.
Fast and furious, the 10007 was ready for 10199’s return serve and – a little slower than usual, for sure – it was back in 10199’s court the next evening. USPS Origin Facility 10199 was waiting for it and hit it hard and furious, a minute after it entered their court, but they hit too hard and it ended up outside the Manhattan boundaries, landing in the Brooklyn 11256 USPS Origin Facility. Close but no cigar. Outraged at their fumble, 10199 demanded that the ball…uh, I mean packet…be returned to their court: immediately! USPS Facility 11256 complied, sending it back four hours later; it arrived in 10199 just a few hours after that.
By then, from all the heat of being served back and forth between facilities, and the ever-increasing temperatures in New York City, the packet had become more of a hot potato than a tennis ball and so, after arriving in 10199, they decided it needed time to cool off…It stayed in that facility until midnight last night, when it was finally sent to Brooklyn 11208; it arrived eight hours later—again I think it was carried by a marathon runner—and four hours after that it was on my front porch.
What kills me is that it says it was on time and that the Expected Delivery Date was Friday, July 31, 2015. Since when do the days from June 23 to July 31 add up to a 2-Day Priority? However, I have the original shipping label that says the Expected Delivery Date is June 25. I dislike tennis (I’m horrible at it) as much as I dislike time-active packets arriving 36 days late. Together, they make smoke come right out of my ears.
Have you ever had a similar experience? Do you want to tell us about it?
Tracking—the USPS Tennis Derby © July 31, 2015 Mary Purpari. All Rights Reserved.